You'll see Carmen in the next Bachelor update, though we're not sure when that's going to be.  We'll see if we can't expedite it, but in the meantime enjoy the new current episode, detailed below.

Season's Greetings from The Happy Bachelor.

Be sure to check out our latest episode detailed below.

The Generally Defamatory Tone Of The Ed Snowden Reports. On audio: http://home.comcast.net/~aadams134/thehappybachelor.m3u

Transcript of latest adventure available at: http://home.comcast.net/~aadams134/

New Bachelor theme song in the stream now (as previously discussed in this list it's a reworking of a previous theme).

Heir's really looking forward to the New Year, and the month and a half long pro-sex holiday starting after Twelfth Night, marked by Valentines and ending before the return of Daylight Savings Time.  Not to mention that it is and will be a Year Of Nominality.  He truly doesn't like December at all.  He thinks it's the worst month of the year, though there's no accounting for taste.  He's got a whole laundry list of things that are wrong with December, but he just told me the Mentor right now he doesn't want to keep whining and complaining.  He's marking his calendar, and he sees the pro-sex holiday as making up for the darkness that is December (in the northern hemisphere anyway... ...there's no Darkest Day in Papua New Guinea of which he's aware).  He sees it as making up for the darkness, and he sees the pro-sex holiday as being all that December is not.  And vice versa.  He didn't receive his order of foil tape that will complete the last two spaceplates for his car, but he's going to check with them Saturday to see what's going on.  He wants to be able to close the deal, and move to the next stage.

So once again, we hear Ed Snowden essentially rag on about how bad America is, and once again we will talk in our next episode about why this is such a serious issue.  Not the spying scandal per se, but the defamatory scandalization, with an ends-justify-the-means mentality to boot.  What the Heir says he wants to do, is once both scandals are over, is to see launched a goodwill ambassador initiative, to prove to "swing state" countries that we really aren't so bad after all, and in fact better than rival countries in those things that matter the most.  For example, if we do get rid of Prism, and hence the ability to spy on those rival countries that are spying on us, we can let the swing state countries know that we're taking the high road, and that the spying rival countries are taking the low road and not worthy of the swing state countries' moral investment.  We can also point to the fact that we are the most generous country in the world when it comes to charity through established charitable organizations.  And whatever progress we're making in helping getting the people of Tacloban on their feet again, we can point to and also point out how the rival countries don't even come close.  Most of these swing state countries are in Africa, but we can also get Papua New Guinea on our side too.  A highly underestimated potential ally, for all the reasons the Bachelor has discussed for years now.  Then we get to have most of these swing state countries on our side, and we can really sink China and Putin-era Russia as a result.  After all it was China that bedraggled most African countries with a crummy rail system, and they could use our assistance to fix it since it seems as though China essentially up and left.  The Heir intends for America to recover completely this way from the Ed Snowden defamations, and then Ed Sniveler himself comes up and says, well I think you partly owe me credit for this, because you wouldn't have this goodwill initiative if it weren't for me.  And then we'll say, no, Ed Snowden.  We in the initiative did this all ourselves.  We owe you nothing and we give you nothing.  No medals, no statue, no monument, no nothing, go home.

* * * * * * * * * *

National Principle

* * * * * * * * * *

The Heir's happy with Brooklyn's turnaround, like with last night's game with up to 130 points.  Not too many times they've gone above 100, let alone above 120.  It was just two weeks ago that the Heir was calling for Jason Kidd's dismissal, but you know what?  Let's give him this chance now, the Heir said.  They're still not out of the woods yet though, at 9-15, well below 500, December notwithstanding.  But again, be sure to command those games that you can handily win, and the toughies like Portland or Miami, try to force an overtime and win it by 2 or so.  Heir is still stung by what happened in Sacramento a month ago, damn the cowbells.

You've heard about Ed Snowden trying to get into Brazil now.  Of course other than his spying allegations, we don't buy the other stuff he said in that open letter.  We're going to talk about how he has damaged the U.S. in our next episode, even though we don't know when that's going to be.  We'd like to get it in before the New Year, so as to help Heir pay back all his debts for the old year, lest they bedraggle him for the New Year.

Still snowing where we are, people.  The Heir found it hilarious that a couple of days ago there was a radio spot advertising Toros snowblowers trying to put down the use of manual shovels by having this fictional guy using a pink shovel his mom gave him, and his nasal voice was stereotypical sounding as well.  Heir's not sure who that's supposed to sell to, but he's satisfied with the shovels we have with spiraled cornrow carvings on the handles.  It's more green that way, particularly with the carvings conformant with the second pillar of classiness.  He thinks that radio spot is even worse than the Astroturf PSA's regarding the miscreance of insurance fraud.  Guy gets caught with insurance fraud and his own teenage son won't talk to him.  His son walks by going, "yeah right!"  And the guy calls after him going, "Tommy?  Tommy?  ...Tommy?"  o/ o/ Tommy can you hear me o/ o/ the Heir's thinking about.

Leeanna, Carmen, the Heir and I the Mentor hit the shops later today, and the Heir was wondering why at both Bland Barns and Comida Del Sol there were so many people there.  We looked at him and he was like, dang that's right!  It's the snowstorm that's coming.  He figured that enough people have been shell-shocked enough by Sandy that no one's going to take chances.  But he looked down upon those people running around with an armful of cans at Bland Barns despite the availability of shopping baskets.  People shopped with more dignity at Comida Del Sol.  When we got to the Furniture Store for the Heir to only pick up a $10 set of headphones, basically the least expensive thing there, the Furniture Store Owner was like, dang you're really stocking up here.  Getting ready for the snowstorm, I take it?  I don't think the Heir got the joke right away.  But as we left the shop, the Furniture Store Owner said, well, have a nice snowstorm.  Make sure you have a lot of snowball fights, and build lots of snowmen.  Oh, and, uh, women too.

We want to at some point change our opening song somewhat.  Just as a spoiler as to what we're thinking of, though when the time comes around we may get different ideas.  But for now, we want to replace the slap bass with a fretless.  Both the Heir and I the Mentor really get into that deep soulful house that uses a fretless.  We don't want that fanfare sounding like a bastardization of Zarathustra A Spaced Odd Da See.  It'll probably sound like a bastardization of Fire by the Ohio Players.  We'd like for the fanfare to make it every other measure, with me and the Heir jamming with shakers and tambourines and clapping hands going "Oh Yeah" in between and among.  Also maybe semi-fanfares with just the saxes, or just the trumpets.  We still like how all the horns build up at the end and then it goes out with the primal drums.  Stuff like that.  Just to give you some good ideas.

Okay, maybe keep Jason Kidd on for now, the Heir said with a :/ as long as they build on tonight's victory consistently.

Tim Capstraw said that the Nets need to fight back.  What the Heir walks away with is that means that any team coming into Brooklyn has to feel like they're walking into the lion's den.  Nets need to command fear in the other team.  Right now 93% of the entire NBA are at least privately thinking to themselves, well we're going to Brooklyn and so we expect to pick up a game there because we see it as a formality.  What the Heir thinks should be the highest priority in Brooklyn is to set specific goals.  Even if they can't immediately plug up a sucky third quarter, they can do something like coming all the way back in the fourth quarter and tying it at the buzzer, forcing it to overtime and winning an otherwise losing game by 2-3 points, inspiring a look of dismay on Sacramento's coach's face when he sees the cowbells won't be playing for him.  Nets haven't forced an overtime yet this season.  More suggestions.  Dominate over 50% of your games with a consistent lead of at least 20 points, and occasionally 50 points making it out of the sports section and into the regular headlines and the history books.  Do so at home at least 80% of the time.  Don't settle just for wins against Utah and Milwaukee.  Lose no more than 20% of your games, and even then only close, basically an occasional sympathetic gimme and not a reflection on your part.  Find different ways of being very unbrooklyn-in-2013-like to the point where Nets become the first topic of discussion when someone asks, hey how about that NBA, not Miami.  With their backs up against the wall, these suggestions would be good starters for the Nets, the Heir says.  Oh, and one other thing he also said.  Fire Jason Kidd.

Kidd's last stand.

Heir's giving Jason Kidd this coming Thursday with New York.  Let's face it.  He's making Avery Johnson look good.  Kidd's excuse-laden conferences in the post game make the Heir nostalgic for Carlisimo.  At least he got the team in post season, albeit not past the first round.  Carlisimo didn't have the star power Jason Kidd does, but New York sports at large needs to understand that star power per se doesn't win you games.  Competent coaching and managing playing does.  Just one more chance, and then Prokorov starts getting an overflowing inbox.